I know a book is working for me when I can't stop quoting it to different people for different reasons.
Reading Regena Thomashauser's hardcover/paperback combo Mama Gena's Owner's and Operator's Guide to Men and Mama Gena's School of Womenly Arts (Simon & Schuster), I found myself sharing her sayings with women friends, business acquaintances and even my orchestra stand partner daily.
By the time I'd finished, I was sharing them hourly.
Flying in the botoxed face of convention's restrictive diets, "negative issue-based" psychotherapies and "sacrifices" for love, Mama--a character who's one part Kama Sutra, one part Carly Forina and two parts Auntie Mame--blissfully and boldly teaches women how to approach life using a philosophy best described as "more is more."
It's a brilliantly obvious, endlessly powerful change of mindset that can undo years of misery within minutes. "Our desires are the best thing about us," Mama says.
She proves her point with examples of how "sister goddesses" have fulfilled their desires by embracing what they really want out of life, love and work. These anecdotes are followed by exercises that help readers "spring clean" self-limiting beliefs so the right decision, job, self-image adjustment, or man can be moved in--when we're ready.
"My goal is not to give you something hard to do or make life difficult," Mama Gena writes in her Guide to Men, a hardcover book whose subject matter was briefly covered in the last chapter of her more generalized School of Womanly Arts.
Men are born to be trained, Mama says, and the sooner we learn this, the better. (Note to men: Mama says not to read this book and turn instead to her workshops devoted to the secrets of pleasing women.)
Men adore women who are confident enough to tell them clearly what they want and what to do. As part of this process, women must honestly and openly identify and communicate what we want from a man, both in bed and out.
We've also got to stop speaking to men with that super-angry voice we don't mean to use but are using. Why? Because the guy inviting us out for Chinese food next Tuesday is not responsible for the infuriatingly insulting "get thin, get hitched, get happy" crock we grew up with. And while we're right to be angry about it, growling at him about it will make eventually make him leave. Which will make us...angrier.
"Anger," Mama says, in one those lines that begs repeating, "is the smoking of the 21st century."
She also suggests saying thank you. A lot.
Mama lets shy goddesses skip her R-rated chapters on the joys of a healthy sex life, but for those willing to explore the "vulva", she offers tips for "self-pleasuring," a fond reminiscence of a (safe sex) orgy, and multiple endorsements of the folks who wrote the book on "massive orgasm," Drs. Vera and Steve Bodansky.
While positive bragging is a key element of Mama's courses, her personal boasts do grow a bit tiresome. Ditto for her examples of celebrities' marital happiness, which leads one to wonder if Mama actually believes everything she reads. Crediting Annette Benning's winning of Warren Beatty to her joie de vivre is O.K.; but praising Coco Chanel's coquetterie treads the line of good taste by lauding a women who allegedly schtupped her share of Nazis.
But you know what? Even a Mama goddess should be allowed the occasional flaw. After all, when was the last time feeling better felt this much fun? "Unlived life will get you," Mama warns.
Thanks to her and Ms. Thomashauser, women willing to trade in needless limits for unlimited happiness now have two salty, yet highly useful and entertaining guides for living life to its fullest and getting the most fun out of the day-to-day.
As I keep telling my friends, that really works for me. How about you?